"I do not think it means what you think it means."

Let us recall the brave and much-beloved hero, Inigo Montoya, who once said: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." With the 4th on a Wednesday this year, this will be a quieter-than-normal week for many folks, so let's lighten the mood a bit with one of those Internet lists of unknown origin that inevitably find their way to your inbox. One of our fellow editors notes that even "Control" makes this list of, umm, alternative definitions......
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

 There's actually more of these, but...enough for now.